So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Acid is not a monday night drug
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
