good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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