Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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