I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
