I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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