I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I need water and some morals
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
