Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
