i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize