It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
soo... how was my night?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
