And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
