So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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