he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
