I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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