I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
