I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
