You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
