So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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