i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
