If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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