I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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