Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
