i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize
