sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
