and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
