No awkward lesbian experiences without me
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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