This girl is more easily done than said...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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