oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
