We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
