she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
