Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
