she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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