I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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