Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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