He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize