Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
