I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
