My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
