The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
