just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
