i think my mom watched the whole time
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
