No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
