i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
