I cannot find my penis.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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