My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
We have started to decorate penises.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I have fence marks all over my body
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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