either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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