She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Send help, water and tortillas.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize