you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
