I heard we made out
Did you just see the Batmobile???
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
