I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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