I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
