That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
