drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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