Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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