I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
