things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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