I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
