DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Floor bacon is actually really good
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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