I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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