At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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