have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
