He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
You smell like stripper and shame
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
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