i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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