i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Randomize
