good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize