STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
