I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
