the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
