I think I am morally bankrupt
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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