it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
