I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
