When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
