When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
