he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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