Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
