He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
she told me i tasted like america
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
