i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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