i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
