Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you will always have a special place in my vag
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
