Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
