she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Randomize
