the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
