Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
