Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize