i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
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