Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
The struggles of a small town man whore
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
