I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
