You're so nebulous sometimes
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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