This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Sext me about skeletons
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
